Occupy the Mind

Watching the screen I see a vision of the future
Cops in the street, tear gas, sutures
The citizen soldier shot in cold blood
Your government lies (like you knew that it would)
When will the sleeping giant awaken?
How many more of our freedoms will be taken?
Who needs fascism when brute force will do
Take a seat son, the judge will be right with you

Along the line I heard the cries
Join us, brother, don’t you realize?
The 1%ers need your power
In this age, their darkest hour
Someone holds onto a red balloon
Tear gas spreads, I cough and swoon
A little boy, brave, poses, flexes
We are the 99% and will not be rejected

Dying

I would offer an apology
But I know I did no wrong
I would seek from you forgiveness
And put the words into this song

If I felt my words would find you
With an open mind and ear
I know that will not happen
So I’m just dying over here

You never gave me closure
I never had a chance to speak
You left me here without a paddle
In the middle of Shit Creek

If I felt my words would find you
With an open mind and ear
I know that will not happen
So I’m just dying over here

My Personal Atrological Chart

Friday cat blogging

I present to you, Oatmeal, Queen of Chester Avenue.

Thanksgiving Day pictures

Here are some pics of the family from Thanksgiving at Kevin and Candy’s house.

Mourning Period Has Ended

I realize that I did not announce a mourning period the last time I posted, but I did not want to post anything here for a while. I thought on this, the one month anniversary of my mother’s death, I should post something to let my friends online know what has transpired with me in the time since I last posted.

It has been a time of deep reflection about my current situation in life. For some time now I have lived in a very depressed state because of the situation I was living in with mother’s cancer and my own health issues. I am continuing to have very serious health issues and I am trying to work things out but frankly I am having a difficult time getting it all together.

The day after the funeral

I sit here alone in the apartment I briefly shared with Mom, surrounded by objects reminding me of her. This is going to take some getting used to, but in many ways, I already have. Yesterday was a beautiful day, and I don’t mean just the weather was nice. The day was about as perfect as you could ask for to say goodbye to a loved one.

I got to the funeral home just before 9 am for the memorial service prior to the funeral. There was a full house at Feeney Hornak, then we proceeded over to Holy Spirit where there were even more people who turned out for the service. For a Thursday morning, a work and school day nonetheless, there seemed to be an extraordinary turnout for her sendoff.

End of Calling Day 2

I wanted to post again last night or before I left today but resting and dealing with household duties and a maintenance call this morning prevented me from doing so. There have been so many faces from my childhood streaming past me the last two days it is surreal. It’s like those dreams you have when you have a high fever and the faces all blur together.

The next door neighbor from childhood, the couple Mom knew from church whose sons I went to school with, my sister’s best friend and her husband, the list is endless. More live plants and flower pots delivered than any of us could possibly replant. A few tears but a lot of laughter, Mom would like that. Love. Lots and lots of love for Mom.

As I go forward through this process I recognize that while I knew Mom was universally loved, maybe I had underestimated the extemt of how loved she was. There are cousins from Wisconsin that drove in, flowers sent from Las Vegas and Mom’s favorite priest. I don’t know how to thank everyone individually fro this outpouring of love other than to say thank you for sending my mother off the way she wanted it.

We miss you mom, all of us.

Calling Day 1

Photo: Rich Ruzewski

The last few days have been quiet. Even when surrounded by family over at my brother Mike’s house, there is a subdued atmosphere where there is usually raucous laughter, chattering voices and music. Music. The ever present feature to life that Mom taught all of us to love. I started picking music that will play during the wake on Thursday after all the services and funeral are concluded. That was far more difficult than I realized it would be.

People say my voice has changed the last few days, they comment on how quiet I am. I guess I have been less than my usual boisterous self since she passed. Mom gave me energy when I had none, gave me my voice and my sense of humor that I rely on. I’ve not felt the same energy or felt like laughing very much. Everything is a little more grey and tastes a little less flavorful. It is the subtle sadness you only experience in these kinds of times.

I’m getting ready to head to the funeral home soon for the first day of calling. It’s going to be quiet there too. I really do not like the funeral home. I cannot get away from all the well wishers and barely recognizable friends and distant relatives who know who I am but whose names I can’t recall in my grief. I appreciate their condolences, I shake their hands, I kiss their cheeks or give a quick hug but it doesn’t help me as much as it helps them. I am the dutiful son who does what his mother would want him to do despite what is going on inside of my mind.

Funeral Arrangements

Photo: Indiana Sunset by Mark McCoy

The final arrangements have been made and we are getting prepared for this final journey with Mom. Feeney-Hornak Shadeland Mortuary (map) will host a couple of callings on Tuesday, September 19th and Wednesday, September 20th. On Tuesday the calling will be from 4 pm – 8 pm and on Wednesday the calling will be from 2 pm – 8 pm. Floral donations are encouraged and can be delivered to Feeney-Hornak.

On Thursday, a prayer service will be held at Feeney-Hornak at 9:30 am, followed by a funeral Mass at Holy Spirit Catholic Church (map) at 10 am. A service will also be held at approximately 11:30am at Washington Park East Cemetery (map). We will then caravan to my brother Kevin Padgett’s home for a traditional Irish wake immediately following the service at Washington Park East.

On behalf of my family I would like to express the deepest gratitude to everyone who has left such kind messages and expressions of their love for my mother and I either in comments here or in emails sent to me privately. The kindness expressed by you all in this time of mourning has been very much appreciated and I would like to thank each and every one of you.