End of the End

I sit here alone in the apartment I briefly shared with Mom, surrounded by objects reminding me of her. This is going to take some getting used to, but in many ways, I already have. Yesterday was a beautiful day, and I don’t mean just the weather was nice. The day was about as perfect as you could ask for to say goodbye to a loved one.

I got to the funeral home just before 9 am for the memorial service prior to the funeral. There was a full house at Feeney Hornak, then we proceeded over to Holy Spirit where there were even more people who turned out for the service. For a Thursday morning, a work and school day nonetheless, there seemed to be an extraordinary turnout for her sendoff. (more…)

I wanted to post again last night or before I left today but resting and dealing with household duties and a maintenance call this morning prevented me from doing so. There have been so many faces from my childhood streaming past me the last two days it is surreal. It’s like those dreams you have when you have a high fever and the faces all blur together.

The next door neighbor from childhood, the couple Mom knew from church whose sons I went to school with, my sister’s best friend and her husband, the list is endless. More live plants and flower pots delivered than any of us could possibly replant. A few tears but a lot of laughter, Mom would like that. Love. Lots and lots of love for Mom.

As I go forward through this process I recognize that while I knew Mom was universally loved, maybe I had underestimated the extemt of how loved she was. There are cousins from Wisconsin that drove in, flowers sent from Las Vegas and Mom’s favorite priest. I don’t know how to thank everyone individually fro this outpouring of love other than to say thank you for sending my mother off the way she wanted it.

We miss you mom, all of us.

Photo: Rich Ruzewski

The last few days have been quiet. Even when surrounded by family over at my brother Mike’s house, there is a subdued atmosphere where there is usually raucous laughter, chattering voices and music. Music. The ever present feature to life that Mom taught all of us to love. I started picking music that will play during the wake on Thursday after all the services and funeral are concluded. That was far more difficult than I realized it would be.

People say my voice has changed the last few days, they comment on how quiet I am. I guess I have been less than my usual boisterous self since she passed. Mom gave me energy when I had none, gave me my voice and my sense of humor that I rely on. I’ve not felt the same energy or felt like laughing very much. Everything is a little more grey and tastes a little less flavorful. It is the subtle sadness you only experience in these kinds of times.

I’m getting ready to head to the funeral home soon for the first day of calling. It’s going to be quiet there too. I really do not like the funeral home. I cannot get away from all the well wishers and barely recognizable friends and distant relatives who know who I am but whose names I can’t recall in my grief. I appreciate their condolences, I shake their hands, I kiss their cheeks or give a quick hug but it doesn’t help me as much as it helps them. I am the dutiful son who does what his mother would want him to do despite what is going on inside of my mind.

Photo: Indiana Sunset by Mark McCoy

The final arrangements have been made and we are getting prepared for this final journey with Mom. Feeney-Hornak Shadeland Mortuary (map) will host a couple of callings on Tuesday, September 19th and Wednesday, September 20th. On Tuesday the calling will be from 4 pm – 8 pm and on Wednesday the calling will be from 2 pm – 8 pm. Floral donations are encouraged and can be delivered to Feeney-Hornak.

On Thursday, a prayer service will be held at Feeney-Hornak at 9:30 am, followed by a funeral Mass at Holy Spirit Catholic Church (map) at 10 am. A service will also be held at approximately 11:30am at Washington Park East Cemetery (map). We will then caravan to my brother Kevin Padgett’s home for a traditional Irish wake immediately following the service at Washington Park East.

On behalf of my family I would like to express the deepest gratitude to everyone who has left such kind messages and expressions of their love for my mother and I either in comments here or in emails sent to me privately. The kindness expressed by you all in this time of mourning has been very much appreciated and I would like to thank each and every one of you.

Phyllis Ann Shaw Padgett, 73, was the fourth of five children born to Olive Ruth and Joe Shaw. A lifelong resident of Indianapolis, IN she was a proud Hoosier mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother. She retired as the church secretary of Arlington Heights Baptist Church in September of 2005 where she had worked for almost 5 years having started in January 2001. Prior to that, she had also worked as a unit secretary at Indiana University Hospital for 3 years and as a special education bus driver for MSD Warren Township for 18 years, retiring in 1986.

Phyllis led an active life and could always be found cheering on her grandchildren at numerous sporting and other school events. She was a communion minister for Holy Spirit Catholic Church and a member of the Faith Formation Committee at Holy Spirit. She also was a communion minister for Community East Hospital until earlier this year.

Phyllis loved music with a passion, and was an accomplished musician in her younger days. As a student in middle school, the music teacher at Washington High School would invite Phyllis to perform with the high school band and orchestras when she needed an extra saxophonist or clarinetist. In high school at Washington, she was honored with a letter all four years where she was First Chair Clarinet and First Chair Violin in the orchestra.

She then went on to study at Indiana Central University where she was an Elementary Education student with an eye towards teaching, but her studies were cut short before she left class to work to support her family. Her dedication to her family is what defined her life and she was a devoted wife to Thomas Gilbert Padgett for almost 30 years from July 1954 until Tom’s sudden death May 12, 1984 from a heart attack.

Her brothers Joe, Art, and Dave Shaw; her sons Tom, Kevin, Mike, and Joh Padgett and her daughter Lydia Ragsdale, 13 grand- and 5 great-grandchildren survive her. Her arrangements are being handled by Feeney-Hornak Shadeland Mortuary (map), and she will be entombed in a mausoleum at Washington Park East Cemetery (map) next to her husband Tom.

Please leave your messages in the comments section of this thread, or you can also leave a voice message for us at my home number at (317) 353-2550. Floral arrangements can be delivered to Feeney-Hornak Shadeland Mortuary (see link above). Details of her arrangements will be posted later today.

I’ve just spent a good little while holding Mom’s hand and talking with her hospice nurse Jeff who has been a wonderful human being throughout all this drama. It helps to have a third party around for grief counseling like he’s been doing with various family members all day.

She is breathing abdominally now and Jeff says this along with some other factors indicate it will not be long now. Mom’s friends Mildred and Wanda both came by to say their goodbyes and other folks have called to say they are on their way.

My brother Kevin called us about 3pm with news of a new as yet unnamed baby girl that has joined our family on this day. I was told the weight and dimensions and all that but I’ll be damned if they went in one ear and out the other so let it suffice to say she is tiny, fragile and shiny.

Jimmy Cain and Dan Niswander have showed up to say their goodbyes. It is so nice to have good friends such as these join us in a time like this. I expect we will know something more later so I will post again in the near future. Of course, you will know when she has passed when I post the obituary.

Great Grandma and Jaysen
Mom is waiting for someone or something to show up we figure. She made it through the night and is still sleeping and resting comfortably. She is on even more morphine now and her breathing is a little easier, though still labored. The old bird just won’t give up for some reason and if she wants to fight, then we are gonna fight along side her.

In other news, my niece Kristin is giving birth to her third child this day, and her husband Ryan is also hospitalized suffering from kidney stones while she is in labor. My brother Kevin and his family are tending to those family emergencies while the rest of the family gathers here at my brother Mike’s.

There’s the right way, the wrong way and the Padgett way and we are doing things the Padgett way. That last bit is adapted from my father’s old Navy saying that there is the right way, the wrong way and the Navy way. I can feel my father chuckling at all this from his vantage point right now. This would be one of those days my Dad would say “we are having a high old time”.

If anyone needs to get in touch with us you can leave a voicemail at my house at (317) 353-2550. I get my voicemails in email and have my choice of cell phones to call people back from here if you do call. You can also email me at finifinito at gmail dot com. Or you can leave comments here in the threads and I will get those too. Thank you to everyone who has emailed or called, your support and well wishes are deeply appreciated at this time.

We had a lot of people at my brother’s house, it seems nearly everybody stopped by at some point today. She has a high temperature that keeps coming and going so they have been applying cold compresses to the forehead. The hospice nurse said she thinks her kidneys are shutting down. I personally don’t know if she will make it through tonight or not.

At this point she is sleeping peacefully most of the time and is well medicated. She does not appear to suffer any pain which was all I asked for. I prayed with her before I left and said my goodbyes with the hope they are not my final ones. I just hope she can make it through until morning time. I will get over there earlier tomorrow.

I just got word from my brother, he’s coming to pick me up to go over to his house. He said they think her kidneys are shutting down and to call everyone to the house. This may be her time tonight, please pray for us all.

Mom is continuing to rest and is still among us. She is highly medicated and mostly sleeping. I will be going over to Mike’s house later this afternoon after taking care of some household matters here at the apartment. I will post something from over at my brother’s once I get a handle on what’s going on when I get there.

Today’s photo is of Mom with Mike and his wife Ann taken at the birthday party last year for my great niece Destynie, my niece Rachel’s daughter. You all have heard me talk about Mike and Ann and I thought it might be good to show you a picture of the three of them together. Mike and Ann have been really good about taking Mom out to do fun things the last couple of years. They always seem to find a cool little musical event somewhere to take Mom, especially to Irish bands and dancing events.