I present to you, Oatmeal, Queen of Chester Avenue.

Here are some pics of the family from Thanksgiving at Kevin and Candy’s house.

I realize that I did not announce a mourning period the last time I posted, but I did not want to post anything here for a while. I thought on this, the one month anniversary of my mother’s death, I should post something to let my friends online know what has transpired with me in the time since I last posted.

It has been a time of deep reflection about my current situation in life. For some time now I have lived in a very depressed state because of the situation I was living in with mother’s cancer and my own health issues. I am continuing to have very serious health issues and I am trying to work things out but frankly I am having a difficult time getting it all together.

I also have had a major financial catastrophe occur and can no longer keep the apartment mother and I had moved to here just prior to her death. I have communicated with the management here and they are very understanding of my situation but they also have to do what they have to do so we are fast approaching an impasse which has dire consequences for myself. In short, I am on the path to eviction and I am seeking new accomodations to move to in the very near future.

This has precipitated a Total Life Assessment on my part and has me thinking about making several drastic changes. First, since I may not have much choice in the matter, I may have to move to an extended stay suite hotel until I can afford more affordable quarters for myself. Second, with my health issues and needs in mind, I may look into a long term care situation to place myself for a short while just so I can get a grip on my issues. Third, I may take some radical steps regarding my primary health issue of the morid obesity by investigating some of the long term programs and experimental treatment options out there.

Mind you, this is all theory at this point as my situation is just that dire and fluid. If I can locate accomodations quickly, if I can get home health care set up and can get involved in a new regimen I may be able to avoid any drastic measures on my part. However, the financial calamity I spoke of earlier is rather significant because I now must make due on my meager Social Security Disability payments. Believe me, it’s not enough to live on, I must find other income quickly to supplement my finances.

On that note, I am reviving my efforts to market Layman Media services to clients in need of audio/video production, web design and development, content creation, web marketing and political Internet consulting advice and services. I have established a web presence for Layman Media on MySpace and have begun marketing myself as a Digital Music Service provider, a kind of DJ for the legal Napster age. I have always turned to DJ work in my darkest hour throughout my life, so if you need a good music man for your event or party and are within easy travel distance of Indianapolis or willing to pay my travel expenses to your locale, send me an email and I will show up ready to entertain.

On the political side of my life I have decided to channel my thoughts and efforts through the establishment of my new blog Monticello. I am still going to be part of the Roots Project, whenever that takes off. I was forced to pull the plug on my involvement in the SRP Newsweekly podcast project because of my need to focus my attention on the previously mentioned financial crisis, but also that podcast was originally intended to be about the Roots Project and instead became something I did not intend for it to become, a nationally focused news program that the team I had recruited was busting their ass to put together each week.

We did a pretty good job, but I could see it was stressing everyone out (including myself) so rather than continue with that and let the stress and strain get to us as a team I felt ending it before it began to take more of our time would be the best solution for all. This however has left a gaping hole in my life, because I don’t like to use this blog for political stuff and I need an outlet for my political life, so Monticello is born to give a home to my political writings.

SO thats what I’ve been up to for the past month. If anyone has some work to throw my way, I am offering my services at a discount poverty avoidance rate for the next few months. You can always reach me via email at finifinito@gmail.com or via comments left here on the blog. Be sure to drop by the Monticello blog, and don’t forget to vote on November 7th for your Democrat or Libertarian candidates.

I sit here alone in the apartment I briefly shared with Mom, surrounded by objects reminding me of her. This is going to take some getting used to, but in many ways, I already have. Yesterday was a beautiful day, and I don’t mean just the weather was nice. The day was about as perfect as you could ask for to say goodbye to a loved one.

I got to the funeral home just before 9 am for the memorial service prior to the funeral. There was a full house at Feeney Hornak, then we proceeded over to Holy Spirit where there were even more people who turned out for the service. For a Thursday morning, a work and school day nonetheless, there seemed to be an extraordinary turnout for her sendoff.

We all walked the casket down the aisle to the front of church where I was the only one to be seated in the front row of chairs nearest Mom’s casket. When I came forward and sat down, my old friend Karen came right over and sat down next to me to hold my hand during the Mass. Karen is one of the few people who knows me the best and having her there to comfort me during the service was a great relief. I couldn’t have done it without her and it was nice to know someone cared enough to step up for me like that in my time of need. I love you, Karen, thanks for being my friend.

I was doing ok with the service until we reached near the end of it when my brother Tom’s friend Brenda Williams sang the old gospel song “Old Rugged Cross”. This did me in, the tears started streaming down my cheeks and I couldn’t hold back the emotion any longer. I had a good cleansing cry during the song and composed myself afterwards while my niece’s poem about Mom was read. We then proceeded out of the church the way we came in, Karen walking with me and holding my hand as we walked down the aisle.

After Mom was returned to the funeral coach (they don’t call them hearses anymore I guess), I returned to my friend Rich’s truck which was the first in line behind the coach due to our first arrival earlier that morning at the funeral home. As we started to leave the semicircle driveway in front of church, I had expected to turn right to take 10th Street out toward the cemetary, but unexpectedly the coach took a left turn. This confused Rich and I and Rich asked “What do I do?!?” so I pointed toward the coach turning left and said “Follow Mom!” and so we turned left.

A block later we turned left again down Shortridge Road and I realized we must be heading for Washington Street, the main East-West thoroughfare through Indianapolis. It is the East Side’s Main Street and is a high traffic corridor. Mom would be tying up traffic this day on the main road in the area for several miles. Turnout was rather large at the Mass and so we had a funeral procession that was about 1 mile long as we headed out to the cemetary. Mom’s final road trip managed to anger dozens of drivers all over the Washington Street corridor, much like when she was driving it herself in recent years. It just isn’t a trip with Mom unless you manage to piss off no less than 10 drivers and so we managed to pull that off.

The procession turned into Washington Park East and we proceeded to turn down some roads in the cemetary that immediately made me realize we would not be using the small chapel on the grounds to conduct her final memorial service but would instead be doing this tombside at the mausoleum where she would be interred in her chamber next to my father’s. This started to panic me once I realized this.

Sure enough, we pulled up next to the mausoleum where my parents’ final resting place is. As I got out of the truck my stomach started churning up acid and my pulse quickened. I was standing next to the coach as my nephews served as pallbearers and carried the casket to the elevator unit that would raise it up and into the chamber as I realized my legs were giving me some fits.

As Fr. Riedman started the service and was speaking, all that I could focus on was seeing my Dad’s casket in his chamber and then Mom’s being readied to be put into hers. Just then my knees buckled, sweat started pouring from my face and I felt myself going down. I straightened myself out with my cane and quickly removed myself from the area, walking quickly back to the truck where I could still hear Father conducting the service off in the distance.

I began sobbing uncontrollably into a full convulsive breakdown that I needed to have. I am glad that I was able to do this quietly and in private in Rich’s truck rather than tombside. When the bagpipes started playing I lost it completely again. Soon after, Rich reappeared and we left the cemetary to return to my apartment which is nearby. I changed clothes and headed out to my brother Kevin’s for the wake. We drank and told stories about Mom all afternoon and into the evening. I left there about 9 pm and came home to the cats, Jesse and Oatmeal.

This is how it is now, me and the cats. I have lots of issues to deal with because I had relied on Mom’s Social Security and retirement income to help with household expenses, but those payments stop now. My own Disability payment monthly is not enough to cover rent and utilities, let alone food and medicine and everyday kinds of expenses. I will have to work even harder to find ways to make up this lost income which I had relied on until now to cover myself. I have a few options before me and some ideas which I will begin pursuing immediately, but for now I am in quite a bind.

I will begin contacting various state agencies and departments on Monday, but I have an ocean of financial pain that I am about to start drowning in very shortly. I cannot work a conventional job because I do not have the physical capability to do so at this time. Even if I did have the physical capability to do so I do not have the transportation or access to decent public transportation to get me to a jobsite. Whatever work I find will have to be done from my home via telecommuting. New challneges are facing me on every front it seems.

I wanted to post again last night or before I left today but resting and dealing with household duties and a maintenance call this morning prevented me from doing so. There have been so many faces from my childhood streaming past me the last two days it is surreal. It’s like those dreams you have when you have a high fever and the faces all blur together.

The next door neighbor from childhood, the couple Mom knew from church whose sons I went to school with, my sister’s best friend and her husband, the list is endless. More live plants and flower pots delivered than any of us could possibly replant. A few tears but a lot of laughter, Mom would like that. Love. Lots and lots of love for Mom.

As I go forward through this process I recognize that while I knew Mom was universally loved, maybe I had underestimated the extemt of how loved she was. There are cousins from Wisconsin that drove in, flowers sent from Las Vegas and Mom’s favorite priest. I don’t know how to thank everyone individually fro this outpouring of love other than to say thank you for sending my mother off the way she wanted it.

We miss you mom, all of us.

Photo: Rich Ruzewski

The last few days have been quiet. Even when surrounded by family over at my brother Mike’s house, there is a subdued atmosphere where there is usually raucous laughter, chattering voices and music. Music. The ever present feature to life that Mom taught all of us to love. I started picking music that will play during the wake on Thursday after all the services and funeral are concluded. That was far more difficult than I realized it would be.

People say my voice has changed the last few days, they comment on how quiet I am. I guess I have been less than my usual boisterous self since she passed. Mom gave me energy when I had none, gave me my voice and my sense of humor that I rely on. I’ve not felt the same energy or felt like laughing very much. Everything is a little more grey and tastes a little less flavorful. It is the subtle sadness you only experience in these kinds of times.

I’m getting ready to head to the funeral home soon for the first day of calling. It’s going to be quiet there too. I really do not like the funeral home. I cannot get away from all the well wishers and barely recognizable friends and distant relatives who know who I am but whose names I can’t recall in my grief. I appreciate their condolences, I shake their hands, I kiss their cheeks or give a quick hug but it doesn’t help me as much as it helps them. I am the dutiful son who does what his mother would want him to do despite what is going on inside of my mind.

Photo: Indiana Sunset by Mark McCoy

The final arrangements have been made and we are getting prepared for this final journey with Mom. Feeney-Hornak Shadeland Mortuary (map) will host a couple of callings on Tuesday, September 19th and Wednesday, September 20th. On Tuesday the calling will be from 4 pm – 8 pm and on Wednesday the calling will be from 2 pm – 8 pm. Floral donations are encouraged and can be delivered to Feeney-Hornak.

On Thursday, a prayer service will be held at Feeney-Hornak at 9:30 am, followed by a funeral Mass at Holy Spirit Catholic Church (map) at 10 am. A service will also be held at approximately 11:30am at Washington Park East Cemetery (map). We will then caravan to my brother Kevin Padgett’s home for a traditional Irish wake immediately following the service at Washington Park East.

On behalf of my family I would like to express the deepest gratitude to everyone who has left such kind messages and expressions of their love for my mother and I either in comments here or in emails sent to me privately. The kindness expressed by you all in this time of mourning has been very much appreciated and I would like to thank each and every one of you.

Phyllis Ann Shaw Padgett, 73, was the fourth of five children born to Olive Ruth and Joe Shaw. A lifelong resident of Indianapolis, IN she was a proud Hoosier mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother. She retired as the church secretary of Arlington Heights Baptist Church in September of 2005 where she had worked for almost 5 years having started in January 2001. Prior to that, she had also worked as a unit secretary at Indiana University Hospital for 3 years and as a special education bus driver for MSD Warren Township for 18 years, retiring in 1986.

Phyllis led an active life and could always be found cheering on her grandchildren at numerous sporting and other school events. She was a communion minister for Holy Spirit Catholic Church and a member of the Faith Formation Committee at Holy Spirit. She also was a communion minister for Community East Hospital until earlier this year.

Phyllis loved music with a passion, and was an accomplished musician in her younger days. As a student in middle school, the music teacher at Washington High School would invite Phyllis to perform with the high school band and orchestras when she needed an extra saxophonist or clarinetist. In high school at Washington, she was honored with a letter all four years where she was First Chair Clarinet and First Chair Violin in the orchestra.

She then went on to study at Indiana Central University where she was an Elementary Education student with an eye towards teaching, but her studies were cut short before she left class to work to support her family. Her dedication to her family is what defined her life and she was a devoted wife to Thomas Gilbert Padgett for almost 30 years from July 1954 until Tom’s sudden death May 12, 1984 from a heart attack.

Her brothers Joe, Art, and Dave Shaw; her sons Tom, Kevin, Mike, and Joh Padgett and her daughter Lydia Ragsdale, 13 grand- and 5 great-grandchildren survive her. Her arrangements are being handled by Feeney-Hornak Shadeland Mortuary (map), and she will be entombed in a mausoleum at Washington Park East Cemetery (map) next to her husband Tom.

Please leave your messages in the comments section of this thread, or you can also leave a voice message for us at my home number at (317) 353-2550. Floral arrangements can be delivered to Feeney-Hornak Shadeland Mortuary (see link above). Details of her arrangements will be posted later today.

I’ve just spent a good little while holding Mom’s hand and talking with her hospice nurse Jeff who has been a wonderful human being throughout all this drama. It helps to have a third party around for grief counseling like he’s been doing with various family members all day.

She is breathing abdominally now and Jeff says this along with some other factors indicate it will not be long now. Mom’s friends Mildred and Wanda both came by to say their goodbyes and other folks have called to say they are on their way.

My brother Kevin called us about 3pm with news of a new as yet unnamed baby girl that has joined our family on this day. I was told the weight and dimensions and all that but I’ll be damned if they went in one ear and out the other so let it suffice to say she is tiny, fragile and shiny.

Jimmy Cain and Dan Niswander have showed up to say their goodbyes. It is so nice to have good friends such as these join us in a time like this. I expect we will know something more later so I will post again in the near future. Of course, you will know when she has passed when I post the obituary.